Moving from level to level in this journey called life, one finds that our lives are liken unto the process that a spaceship engages in to move both expediently and safely to its destination. I was fortunate to see the launching of the first space ship in route to the moon as well as the first step on the moon. It was exciting and really new to the nation. I was young then and never new how much that picture would still be framed in my mind as I write this purposeful blog to assist you in your trajectory to the all the goodness and happiness in your life. It is my goal to help you see that life is about living and not about surviving. Your mind may be stuck on a channel and you need to take your remote control and change it!
Almost at the age of 60 (only a few more days to go!), I recognized the sting of character assassination that not only hurt but I believe I went into shock and was destined to become numb about the situation. The hurtful part came in the form of what I know now to be a “secret hater”. Ok, what is a “secret hater”? It is a noun – a person, place or thing that appears to be an ally but is really an opponent with the goal to bring you down and/or keep your down to their level so that they can handle you better in their mind or circle. We all have them but sometimes, no most of the time, we just do not want to believe that for example that person that you have befriended as a confidante, would do you! It reminds me of the famous words of Julius Caesar as he was brutally stabbed by his colleagues, “Et tu Brute” meaning, “And you too _______. (Fill in the blank with a name(s). We tend to use that word “friend” too lightly and it is a term that should be given out with great care and great consideration. My Granddaughters tell me that they have a “laundry list” or many o friends and then in my Grandmother voice, I say, “Everyone is not your friend”.
Now let me step back a minute and give you some clues as to what your friends should look like: (1) they should have some of the same interests as you but they should not have all the same interests as you; (2) they should embrace singleness – know how to be alone; (3) they should have your best interests in their heart; (4) they should be able to tell you the truth of a matter and know that you will not get offended but will process it and still remain friends; (5) you should not be held accountable for not reaching out to them everyday, but when you talk to them, you just start the conversation up, like it has only been a few hours when you last spoke to each other; (6) they celebrate you AND (7) the most important clue, you can talk about anything and KNOW that it will not be shared. These clues are what I use now, but trust me, I had to learn these clues the hard way.
Ok, now just reading my clues, one might exclaim, WOW, OMG!, I have been using the word “friend” too lightly and giving it to “secret haters” without even thinking about it. I think that social media has helped us to go into unhealthy relationships because maybe we look at our life as being played out on You Tube and we are trying to get as many likes as possible. Well, in the journey of life, “less is more” in terms of friends.
You have to assess your “friends” to see if they belong in your next level and say, “DEAD….Wait a minute”, you do not belong in the next move. You are dead weight. Now, lets go back to the spaceship, I mentioned at the beginning of this blog. The spaceship carrying the astronauts is really small in comparison to the rocket that is carrying it. They launch off together, but when the small space ship carrying the astronauts ascend to a certain altitude, the rockets DISENGAGE and the space ship continues on its journey to reach its goal. Check these video clips out! https://youtu.be/OnoNITE-CLc and https://youtu.be/hQ189a3Wnk4 to get the visuals etched in your mind. We are liken unto this process, as we ascend we will have to disengage with nouns – people, places and things that hold us down and be happy that we will have to let them go, as we know that we can not carry them into our next level.
So, here is your exercise for this blog: 1. Take a piece of paper (not an electronic device) and list all the people that you have called “friend”. (I hope that you find that you could be writing for days and/or you do not have enough paper.) 2. Pause for a few minutes, hours or days and then come back to the list and using your own clues of what a friend is to you or use the ones I listed above and begin to cross out the names that do not measure up to your new standards. 3. Continue this process until your friends list matches where you are in life now and where you plan to go. You will find that you will probably get to the point where you only need a small post-it pad to list the name(s). Now this is real talk 100!.
I think that this exercise will not only assist you in redefining your circle, but it will help you to define your goals in life. Now, I will save this thought for another blog , but I am just sayin’, if your list of friends, did not include yourself as your first thought, then you may need to say to yourself, “DEAD … wait a minute”! Stay tuned for my next blog as I address the “Value of Singleness”. Subscribe, you do not want to miss it! Until next time, remember “to thy own self be true”!
Peace to U,